The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Majora's Mask
by animedeprived
Summary: Part two of the sugarhigh Zelda series. Link is sugarhigh in a whole new world. Chaos reigns. Yay chaos.
1. A New World

animedeprived: Well, here we go again! Time for Majora's Mask. For those of you reading for the first time, Welcome! For those who read Ocarina of Time, Welcome Back! If this is your first time, this is the second part of a Legend of Zelda series featuring a very sugahigh Link. You don't need to go back to Ocarina of Time to understand this one, but some of the jokes are running gags. Now, keeping in tradition, here is our disclaimer reader, Link!

Link: As I'm sure you can all tell by my manly visage and deep voice, I am still the adult Link from Ocarina of Time. animedeprived refused to trade me in for the shorter, slightly chubbier model that comes with this game, and has kept me locked up in her room while the Nintendo people try to retrieve me using psychic monkey power. Really don't want to go back to getting stabbed and forced to work all the time. Here, I do this once a week and spend the rest of my time sipping Kool-Aid. The worst thing that happens is animedeprived's random sneak attack tackles, and they don't hurt if there's no kryptonite behind me (I still swear I broke a rib on that stuff).

What am I supposed to be doing again?

Oh, disclaimer.

animedeprived does not own Nintendo, the Legend of Zelda series, Kool-Aid, or kryptonite.

**The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Majora's Mask**

Chapter One

**A New World**

Day 1 - Hyrulian Border

Decided to set out on epic quest for new and exotic forms of candy. Hyrule getting boring, and almost all candy gone. So, learned how to ride tiny Epona, stocked up on chocolate chip fairies, and took off. Luckily, naggy Fairy had family problems, so am going by myself!! Hooray lack of adult supervision!!

Day 1 - Random Forest

Ambushed by Thief Freak while walking through uncharted forest. Stupid Epona and her aversion to floaty shiny lights that make dingly noises.

Zelda really let this country go to ruins after I saved it seven years from now.

Day 1

Woke up to find Thief Freak slobbering all over my Ocarina. Right after I stole it back from Zelda, too! Only thing worse than his slobber is his playing. Sounds like someone playing cheese grater on chalkboard.

Mmmmmmmmm...cheese.

Day 1

Cheese break interrupted when Thief Freak stole my horse! Grabbed saddle and was dragged through forest of sharp, sharp thorns before I ran into a stump. With my head. Wouldn't care so much about losing horse if I didn't need faster transportation. I am not a speed walker! Blame it on my accursed stubby legs.

Things like this didn't use to happen in the future when I was two feet taller.

Day 1

Forced to cut down bushes for bus fare to nearest city. Now only have to invent and build bus and bus stop.

Day 1

Used awesome ninja skills to jump across tree stumps. Ran through door and found self teetering on edge of endless abyss. Managed to regain my balance.

Then dropped my candy bar.

Dove after it.

Day 1

Rejoiced to see that candy bar landed safely on flower.

Then flower ate it.

Rage undescribable.

Day 1

Found Thief Freak floating in midair. Said something about horse, but didn't hear, as was checking for wires with my sword.

Noticed Thief Freak has two Fairies. So _that's_ why he laughs so crazily. Tried to give him pamphlet for NFA (Naggy Fairies Anonymous), but then he rattled his head at me.

Had weird dream where Dekus were eating me.

Woke up Deku. Eh. Had worse.

Tried to eat candy bar. Tasted like wood.

NOOOOOOOO!!

Day 1

Think Thief Freak was dissing my hat. That's it. IT IS _**ON**_!! Ran after him, but shriller Fairy poked me in face. At least, I think it's my face. Didn't hurt, but fell down because it made really loud hollow sound in my head. Louder than usual, anyway.

Thief Freak slammed door shut. Great. Now stuck here for all eternity with Fairy who is shriller and dings more annoyingly than last Fairy.

Ha! Fairy slammed head against door and made funny noise. Hey, her head's hollow, too.

Day 1

Just met this Fairy and already getting nagged to point of homicidal urges. Won't be long now until I file restraining order and child abuse charges.

Day 1

Discovered only attack I can use is twirling like pansy ballerina. So glad Thief Freak changed my face.

Dove into flower to try and recover candy bar. Sadly, was already digested.

Retaliated by setting flower on fire. Caught hand on fire in process. Thought I was going to die.

Note to self: When made of wood, avoid fire at all costs.

Day 1

Hey, all I have to do is open door? No switch? No monster? No fire? Quest looking easier than robbing old people of their s'mores. Really doing them a favor. They have no teeth and gooey marshmallow makes them constipated, anyway.

Day 1

Fairy now pleading for my help. Somehow managed to get stuck with bipolar Fairy. Faaaaaaaantastic. At least it doesn't have anger issues like last one.

Day 1

Gas that shoots me out of flowers smells like putrid Fairy fart.

Day 1

Found Deku Nuts. As newly transformed Deku, suddenly have found horrifying new meaning for term "Deku Nuts." Besides, thought I made it clear to game designers last time. I! HATE! NUTS!

Day 1

Legs even stubbier than before. Also squeak when I walk.

CURSE YOU, GANONDORF!!

Day 1

This is third wave of trippy pictures I've seen today. Think game designers were on acid when making scenes. That, or Fairy slipped me something.

Day 1

Great. Trapped in new world in fragile little non-flame-resistant body with ultra shrill Fairy and only Deku Nuts and sissy pirouette to protect myself with.

I'm gonna die.


	2. The First Three Days

animedeprived: Sorry about the wait. I'm going to try to update once a week, but things have been pretty hectic. I haven't even started the next chapter, and I don't know when I'll have time. So, it might be a while. Sorry.

Link: animedeprived does not own that dog in South Clock Town. If she did, she would teach it some manners. Like how to not try and maul me.

**The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Majora's Mask**

Chapter Two

**The First Three Days**

Day 1 - Inside Clock Tower

Guy from Mask Shop followed me all the way here. I paid for all those masks! I swear I did! I didn't steal a Bunny Mask and hide it under my mattress and wear it late at night to feel pretty.

Oh, wait. Did I write that out loud?

Day 1

Mask guy said he can turn back into my former self. Really?! You can give me back the rugged manliness and reach-the-candy-on-the-top-shelf height of my 17 year old form?

Found out he was only talking about 10-year-old, need-crate-to-get-on-horse-and-need-stool-to-get-on-crate form. Burst into tears.

Day 1

Guy said to get my precious item back to be human again. But the flower ate my candy bar! I can't get it back!

Oh, right. Ocarina. Precious.

Day 1 - Clock Town - 6:00

Holy crap!

Title screen.

Fairy said have to stay up 72 hours straight without sleep. This'll cut into my emergency candy hoard. I just know it.

Oh, yeah. Candy tastes like wood.

Ate some flowers. Tasted like candy! Yay!!

Day 1 - 10:14

Couldn't just go see Great Fairy. No, had to go run all around town to find that ONE missing piece. Think it was her finger.

Hey, I can walk on water!! All rigblrghpah!!

Day 1 - 10:16

Temporarily. Can walk on water temporarily. Must keep that word in mind in future.

Great Fairy gave me magic power. Was hoping for attack like throw fireballs or shoot laser beams or use X-ray vision.

Can blow spit bubbles.

Righteous!!

Day 1 - 2:49

In effort to avoid going to observatory like Great Fairy said, popped balloon of kid with newly-bestowed power of the spit bubble. Played hide and seek with little children and got into secret society who showed me way to observatory.

Fate, you mock me.

Day 1 - The Observatory - 4:33

Humored obviously senile old man by looking through telescope. Found Thief Freak on top of clock tower! That little - HOLY CRAP! A METEORITE!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!

Ew, splintery Thief Freak butt.

Day 1 - 4:52

Got Moon's Tear that conveniently fell while I was at observatory. It was glass. Molten hot glass. That burned my tongue out of my mouth.

Wanted candy.

Night 1 - Clock Town - 6:09

Gave useless rock to crazy Deku in town. Used his flower to get on top of Clock Tower, but door doesn't open for two more days.

Must find way to waste time until then.

Day 2 - 11:58

Spent all last night and most of morning making up new dance. Called "Pansy Dance of the Pansy Deku Scrub." Involves lots of twirling and throwing up.

Deku puke tastes like wood chips and pulp. Ever tried to vomit slivers?

Day 2 - 3:23

Set up bank account. Next thing I know, getting wanged in face by stamp-wielding banker. Now have huge L on forehead. Banker insists it stands for Link, but have my suspicions.

Night 2 - 5:02

Snuck into inn at three in morning and explored. Found bugs on floor and dirty underwear on bed.

My kind of place.

Also walked into bathroom and hand popped out of toilet. Ran out and into room across hall. Found senile old lady. Quickly left that room, too.

Still can't figure out which smelled worse.

Day 3 - 8:47

Will kill stupid dog. Keeps knocking me over! I AM NOT A STICK!

**OR A FIRE HYDRANT!!**

Night 3 - 11:39

Put more money in bank account, then stood on clock tower for 10 hours waiting for midnight. Felt some really big earthquakes. Tried to set feet on fire by spinning. Didn't work.

Got so bored I actually listened to Fairy.

I've fallen so far...

Night 3 - 12:00

Know why moon is falling. Thief Freak threatened to sing more Cher to it.

Hit Thief Freak in Deku nuts with spit bubble and got Ocarina back. Unfortunately, also got memories of Princess Who Doesn't Give Me Candy.

Also got new pipe-ish instrument. Even I cringe when I play it.

Day 1 - Take 2

Went back in time with Song of Time. Talked to mask guy. Turned back to normal. Yay non-creaky body!

Now wondering where he pulled that gigantic organ from.

Day 1

Holy monkeys! Child abuse! CHILD ABUSE!! Nice, way-too-happy mask guy freaked out and started shaking me like rag doll. Plan to sue on account of whiplash. In meantime, forced to embark on quest to steal Thief Freak's mask.

Discovered threat of violence does wonders to bolster one's courage.


	3. Woodfall

animedeprived: Sorry, sorry, sorry!! I know it's been forever! I haven't been home this week except at night, and my parents'll kill me if I start typing then (the computer is like right next to their room). Anyway, here we go again. Chapter three! The one with the monkeys!! Yay monkeys!!

Link: animedeprived does not own Bam!, though it is funny to shout that in your cousin's ear when he doesn't know you're there. She doesn't own Cher either, but that's okay. Cher can keep herself. animedeprived does have a deep desire to be a goth hippie, though. Black tie-dye shirts. Awesome.

**The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Majora's Mask**

Chapter Three

**Woodfall**

Day 1 - Clock Town - 6:00 a.m.

First thing I did in fixed body was ram head into wall. Second thing I did was wet self when bobble head cow started mooing.

Day 1 - 8:18

Helped Great Fairy again. Hope she realizes I can't do this every time I start again.

Got mask that looks just like Great Fairy in return.

Gee, this'll make me popular.

Day 1 - 9:23

Played hide and seek again. This time, got notebook.

Umm, guys, already have diary. Writing in it right now.

Did I say diary? I meant journal.

Journal.

Day 1 - 9:58

Using new notebook to spy on townspeople and discover best time to rob them blind. Already discovered secret entrance to filthy motel. Won't be long now.

Day 1 - Termina Field - 11:10

Potential thievery foiled by nagging Fairy, who is forcing me into smelly, platypus-infested swamp.

Along the way, Fairy went on long-winded side trip down memory lane. Hate that street. It smells old.

Nothing in my new hero's contract about having to listen to high-pitched Fairy's life story.

Day 1 - Southern Swamp - 11:37

AHHHHHHHHHH!! Vampire bats trying to suck my blood! I need my blood!!

Day 1 - 12:12

Had to use monkey power to save old hag from certain doom. Didn't even know monkeys lived in swamps. Hag looks suspiciously like evil buzzard witch I killed in last game. Now let's move on like I never had that thought.

Monkeys begging me to save another monkey from Dekus. This is what I get for helping people. Others ask for help, and task is slightly harder than last one. Progresses until I'm balancing flaming poodles on stick in my teeth and standing on thimble while slashing up monster five times my size with one hand and stirring up creamy Alfredo sauce in the other. Now just let that chicken roast for a few more minutes, add some Parmesan, and bam! delicious turkey on a stick.

Day 1 - Deku Palace - 2:28

Deku guards let me into palace, and said go straight to throne room. If that's not invitation to explore palace, I don't know what is.

Day 1 - 3:53

Found room called Torture Chamber. Full of cows, termites, flaming torches, and mimes. One look at mimes and it was time to go to throne room.

Day 1 - 4:48

Deku King thinks monkey Dekunaped Princess and stole half the candy in Royal Candy Reserve. Resolved to get to bottom of this and find candy reserve so I can steal what's left.

When leaving throne room, found dancing monkey. Enjoyed watching Fairy get sick by bobbing up and down with monkey to bring it to my attention.

Night 1 - 8:37

Been sneaking around garden though specifically instructed not to. Kicked out twice, but guards always let me back in. Don't they know I'm just going to do it again?

Lots of Deku Scrubs in here, shooting Nuts. How come they can shoot Nuts out their mouths, but I have to crap mine from the air? Oh, yeah. Because I wouldn't put one of those in my mouth for all the sugary treats in the universe.

Night 1 - 10:26

Talked to monkey in cage. Swears he never touched Princess or heard of Royal Candy Reserve. Told monkey I knew what he was going through. Been having bad luck with Princesses all my life. Put him through some Chinese spit bubble torture to make sure he didn't know anything about candy. Stopped when he taught me song and said to use it to save Princess. Princess will be so happy about being rescued that she'll take me to Royal Candy Reserve. Yay candy!

Tried to search monkey for candy, but guards came in and threw me out.

Blast.

Night 1 - 11:40

Went back to watch King's futile attempt at deep-frying monkey.

Night 1 - 4:19

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!

NOT THE OWL! ANYTHING BUT THE OWL!! I KILLED IT! I KILLED IT AND ATE IT AND DIPPED THE BONES IN ACID!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Day 2 - Wood fall - 7:43

Discovered that twirly slide is actually good form of destruction. Still, prefer the spit bubble, as it reminds me of my boyliness.

Day 2 - 10:15

Used Great Fairy's Mask to make other fairies more comfortable around me so they fly to me. Unfortunately, mask has horrible side effect. Makes me want to flock with other fairies and braid my own fake purple hair while singing twangy protest songs around a campfire.

A campfire with no s'mores.

The horror.

Day 2 - 1:46

Found congregation of goth hippies in dark room upstairs. Like them much better than fairy hippies. They play punk rock protest songs around a blue flame campfire with s'mores. Mmm...s'mores.

Oh, and one had a sweet bow and quiver that I borrowed and plan on never returning.

Day 2 - 4:01

Spend most of my time climbing into flowers and skipping over water. Why didn't I just get pretty pretty ballerina princess mask and tutu? Would have been way less embarrassing.

Night 2 - 12:10

Boss ridiculously easy to beat. Worst part was when it started singing medley of Cher hits. Is that all these woodsy-type creatures know how to sing? Is reception on their radios so messed up that the only thing they can get is Cher? How is that even possible?!

Night 2 - 2:52

Got to keep Boss's remains in form of a mask. Why? It's not like I can wear it or will ever want to.

OMG!! OMG! Dark chocolate!! Dark chocolate!! YES!! How I've missed you so, dark chocolate! I don't know what I would do without you! There's no other good candy in this forsaken wasteland of a world.

Night 2 - 3:27

Found Deku Princess in little room. Hesitated to talk to her, because of previous bad experience with Princesses and saving things and marriage.

Turns out this Princess is actually nice!! Said I smell like monkey. Finally, someone noticed my monkey cologne! Princess said to put her into bottle and carry her back to palace. Wish I could have put other Princesses into bottles and left them there. Cannot tell you how much I love this princess. Sure, have to carry her, but at least she shrinks first and I don't have to carry her over my head and fear for the cleanliness of my sweet green hat! It's not even that far to the Deku palace!! Yay Deku Princess!!

Still, was glad to get rid of her. Like all Princesses, she can't just sit still and be quiet. Complained about suffocating all the way back to palace. Like it wasn't her idea to get into bottle.

Night 2 - Deku Palace - 5:37

Got Princess back to palace without killing her. First thing she did was jump on King's stomach and make boing-y noise. Ha, ha! You sound like a trampoline!

Princess said she had a surprise for me in a cave outside the Deku palace. Yes! Royal Candy Reserves, here I come!!

Day 3 - 10:24

Looked all through cave. No candy. No candy at all.

Set fire to palace on my way out.

Day 3 - 12:43

Took stray fairies to Great Fairy in swamp. Learned spin attack. After that pillar of magical light engulfed me, it's no wonder I'm spinning.

Day 3 - Clock Town - 2:52

Gave guy in bank lots of money. Got bigger wallet. Don't know why I have to earn bigger wallets. Could just butcher unsuspecting cow and make bigger one myself.

Okay, theorizing on how best to tan cow skin. Time to cut my losses and just go back in time. Nothing to do around here anyway.

Saw tunnel back to first day. That's it. Game designers have been smoking something funny. Too many trippy sequences in this game for them to not be totally stoned.


	4. Side Questiness

**The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Majora's Mask**

Chapter Four

**Side Questiness**

Day 1 - Take 3

Decided to put off main quest and do some side quests. Hate side quests, but hate Fairy more. Don't know why I bother, though, as side quests will undo themselves at end of three days.

Day 1 - Clock Town - 6:00

Started search for Kafei.

Day 1 - 7:10

Found Kafei.

Day 1 - 12:47

Had to wait three hours for Mayor's office to open, then wasted an hour trying to tell Kafei's fat mother where he is. Gave up when fat woman started pinching my cheeks. Won't specify which set.

Day 1 - 2:24

Talked to Anju the innkeeper lady who looks vaguely like Cuckoo woman from Hyrule. Must be distant cousins.

Forgot to take off Kafei mask before talking to Anju. Apparently, they were engaged. Outraged at obvious pedophile-ness. Kafei only slightly taller than me.

Anyway, set up meeting with Anju later tonight. When everyone's asleep. So we can be alone. In the kitchen.

OMG! WE'RE GONNA BAKE COOKIES!

Night 1 - 11:04

Spent rest of day in room I got at inn. Apparently, had reservation. Found that odd, as have never even been in this world before. Decided not to question it, especially after found 100 rupees in chest. Then found hole in wall and huge rat under bed. Wish inn had kept rupees to fix up this dump. Wasted rest of day playing on furniture and trying to put footprints on ceiling.

Night 1 - 11:42

In kitchen with Anju No sign of cookie ingredients anywhere. Plan to raid kitchen when she leaves.

Anju rattling on about Kafei. Ooey gooey-ness makes me want to puke. Finally got letter for Kafei from Anju. Supposed to mail it, then use daytime ninja skills to follow Postman to where Kafei is.

When I already know where Kafei is.

Night 1 - 12:00

Found old lady getting mugged in North Clock Town. Decided to help her before Fairy pulled out hero's contract and forced me to. Shot him in non-fatal way to get him to drop bundle.

Night 1 - 12:01

He exploded...

Day 2 - 6:38

Spent all night helping cops find pieces of mugger. Farthest one went to shooting gallery. Plan to do this again and try to beat my distance.

Oh, and mailed letter. Now have to wait all day for stupid Postman to deliver it.

Day 2 - 4:47

Spent all day following Postman around. Forced to listen as he rattled on and on about how he prided himself in speedy delivery. Man runs slower than paraplegic.

Hate his stupid hat.

Day 2 - 5:36

Talked to Kafei. Tragic tale of how ugly prancing thief stole his wedding mask to make himself look pretty. Kafei plans to follow thief home and steal mask back so he can marry Anju. Not entirely sure how he ended up pint-sized. No mention of ugly prancing thief having magic powers.

Speaking of ugly prancing thieves, sounds like guy who tried to mug old lady.

Guy I shot.

And exploded...

Whoops.

Kinda hard to follow him home if he's dead.

Night 2 - 7:30

Gave pretty necklace to Anju. Not sure why I bothered. Side quest uncompletable, as important person to process is scattered across northern half of town. Also, getting tired of being wussy cherub messenger for these two. Need to work out their own problems, along with everyone else. There won't always be a ten-year-old kid around to save world for them.

Night 2 - 9:14

On way out of inn, stumbled over very large snoring rock. Wait a second! Rocks around here aren't that big! I FOUND A GORON! YES!! Now all I have to do is discover their secret hiding spot, live with them for a year or two to learn their ways, save chief's wimpy son and thus earn his trust, then initiate my diabolical plot to destroy current system of government and take over as Goron King! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!! Will start by ruthlessly interrogating this helpless Goron who's three times my size until I get the location of their village.

Night 3 - 5:59

Forced to put off scheme to take over Gorons. Found out Goron also named Link! Have spent last day trying to uncover FBI plot to steal my candy. Have to stop for now, but will continue searching for - Wait a minute! Exactly WHAT was in that old lady's bag that made it explode?!


	5. Snowhead

animedeprived: And you all thought I'd died. Sorry it's been so long, guys. I got into college, and I'm trying to hold down a job at the same time…it's been a long couple of years. But, I went through and reread all of this stuff, from OoT through this chapter. I never realized how much I miss it.

Link: animedeprived wants me to reiterate that she is a very bad girl for forgetting about you and that she's very very sorry she turned into a deadbeat author. Also, you may have noticed that she reposted all the chapters in Majora's Mask. Don't waste your time scouring for more bits of deliciousness. There aren't any. I've checked. She's just fixing grammar and spelling and such. Stupid English majors and their correctness.

**The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Majora's Mask**

Chapter Four

**Snowhead**

Day 1 - Take 4

Already sick of this blasted time loop. Same people doing same things day after day after day. Would it be end of world if they deviated for once in their lives!?

With my luck, it would.

Day 1 - 6:02 - Clock Town

Guard at gate tried to stop me from leaving town. Brandished sword at him & he cowered in fear. Townspeople must feel so safe at night.

Side note: Must earn or forge all-purpose hero's license. Tired of everyone questioning my ulterior motives.

Day 1 - 7:28 - Eterna Field  
Two humongous ice blocks sitting in path to mountain. Typical.

Went to blow up blocks and discovered that time tunnel stole all my stuff!! Opened hidden door in floor of field and had brief "word" with game designers. Only needed one brief sentence, including a word that started with F and ended with U-C-K.

That's right, I told them THAT.

No firetruck rides.

Hopefully, they'll straighten up now.

Day 1 - 7:35

Licked ice block to alleviate frustration by finding out if tongue would stick. Ice block is rock candy in disguise!!

Though tempted, can't eat that much in 3 days and still have time for dungeon.

Day 1 - 8:01 - Clock Town

Scavenged for rupees in town. Did some things I'm not proud of (my poor candy hearts. Never thought I'd have to hawk YOU).

Bought supplies, then walked through West Clock Town and remembered had overflowing bank account.

FRICK!

Day 1 - 9:15 - Eterna Field

Also just realized could have just cut down bushes in field for stuff. Considering having new sentence with game designers. One that starts with point of my sword and ends with hilt.

Will be very short sentence.

Day 1 - 10:38 - -- Mountain

Finished traditional mourning for pawned candy hearts. Used rock candy stalactite… stalagmite?? Anyway, shot hangy thingy that I just saw, it fell and shattered blocks. Surprised when not sliced to ribbons by tiny shards of candy. Stuffed some in jar for late night snack.

Day 1 - 11:40 - Clock Town

Spent hour climbing Freezing Cold Mountain of Icy Death before reaching dead end. Have to hike BACK to town for bombs. And hot cocoa. LOTS of hot cocoa.

Day 1 - 1:22 - -- Mountain

Hot cocoa turned to choco-sicle in about 10 seconds.

Day 1 - 2:03

Let's play "Read stupid sign before snap it off to use as kindling."  
"This way to Goron Village. Beware White Wolfos."

Might as well say "Beware Sissy Albino Chihuahuas."

Day 1 - 2:41

Most beautiful sight have ever seen.

Found Goron's hidden village!!

Can you hear the angels singing?

Day 1 - 2:57

Have scouted out village. Gorons weak from cold. Must initiate plot to overthrow government! Time to study Link's Patented Steps to Taking over the WorldTM (Goron Version).

Phase 1: Find Goron leader. If young and virile, go to Phase 2. If ancient and brittle, skip to Phase 3.

Phase 2: Wait countless decades until Goron leader becomes ancient and brittle. Use evil sub-schemes to ensure he remains childless. Also, use time to hone sword skills to even better perfection.

Phase 3: Challenge childless, ancient and brittle leader to battle-to-death for leadership of Gorons.

Phase 4: Beat him in quick and humiliatingly fatal way.

Phase 5: Details undecided. Thinking something involving involuntary servitude will be most fitting.

Day 1 - 3:28

Oh, sweet mother of monkeyshines!! Not the owl!! NOT THE OWL!! You

were only supposed to make one unexpected cameo!! ONE! IT'S IN MY CONTRACT!!

Day 1 - 5:59

Found Lens of Truth. Wondering how it got here. Swear I left it at home in Kokiri Forest In box with other uselessly not-candy items gathered for last stupid quest.

Night 1 - 6:26

Talked to son of Goron chief.. Well, "talked" is such a general word. He bawled, I slapped him to shut him up, he taught me half of song I need for dungeon, I slapped him again for not knowing whole song so I can actually get something done…

You know. Guy talk.

Night 1 - 9:04

Hate Lens of Stupid Truth. Just got it, so something must be hiding somewhere, but don't see anything out of ordinary…

AHHHHHHHHH!! GHOST!!

KILL IT, KILL IT, KILL IT!!

Night 1 - 10:10

Ghost convinced me of its non-homicidal craziness by giving me candy. Followed it to cave somewhere else on mountain and, at his command, desecrated his grave. First time dead person has actually given me permission to do that.

Night 1 - 10:15

OMG!! This is so perfect!!

Put soul of Goron ghost into mask, so now can change into Goron whenever I want!! Now I can easily infiltrate their ranks!! My dream of ruling all Gorons will soon come to pass!!

BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

(You'll have to imagine the lightning and evil music)

Night 1 - 10:20

Stupid Fairy and stupid fine print on stupid hero's contract saying I can't stupid rule stupid minority races and thus stupid forcing me to stupid give up on ruling stupid Gorons because it will stupid interfere with stupid quest.

Stupid.

It looks so weird when you write it over and over and over and over.

Stupid.

Night 1 - 1:33

I want French toast.

Night 1 - 2:48

Found & unfroze father of son of chief of Gorons. Wonder how Goron so ancient and wrinkly can have kid so young.

Now trying to use sword to get emotionally traumatizing image out of brain.

Night 1 - 4:51

Learned other half of song needed. Old Goron refroze.

Decided to leave him like that. He'll live longer.

Day 2 - 7:35

Finally, finally at dungeon! Can't wait to get inside and-

Day 2 - 7:37

What the monkey was that!? Stupid wind blew me right off bridge!

That is just rude!

Day 2 - 7:40

Ohhhhhh-kay. Gigantic invisible Goron on bridge keeps blowing me off!

They have learned of my plans! Flee, Link! Flee like the wind!

Day 2 - 12:38

Seriously have to find way to steal Hero contract from evil Fairy. Forced to return and find way past wind.

Day 2 - 12:46

Wind coming from giant invisible Goron. Why can't these things hide where I can see them? Used lullaby to put it to sleep and Goron fell into abyss.

Crap! Was going to discover mind-controlling song and use giant Goron in overthrow of Goron society.

Don't tell Fairy I said that.

Night 2 - 3:09

Nothing interesting to report about dungeon. Walking, slashing, killing, running away, burning, more killing. That kind of thing.

Think my popsicles froze, though.

Night 2 – 5:32

Strange person handed me paper few minutes ago…

"The Holder Of This Parchment Is Hereby Decreed Physically and Mentally Stable Enough To Purchase The Almighty Powder Keg."

The tears of joy just won't stop.

Day 3 – 6:13

Fairy destroyed any hope of fun with Ultra-Bomb. Only allowed one at time, and misuse results in painful electric shock.

Threw first one at sissy dancers in town. Twenty minutes of seizure and loss of bowel control totally worth it.

Day 2 – 8:25

Found Goron races. Forced to reset days three times before winning. Stupid Gorons and their natural abilities. Got Bottle full of gold dust. Tastes horrible. Traded to pawn shop dude for cheat guide to lame quest.

Also, changed into pansy Deku before each race and placed large bets on self. Eventually won large sum of money. Not sure why I bothered, as all people here use bushes as banks. Unfortunately, most also use bushes as bathroom.

Contemplating taking break from quest to invent indoor plumbing.


	6. Great Bay Temple

animedeprived: Ta-dah! New chapter!

Link: animedeprived does not own Kool-aid, Mrs. Butterworth, or Cookiefest (sadly. Maybe then I would actually get to go T_T)

**The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Majora's Mask**

Chapter Six

**Great Bay Temple**

Day 1 – 6:00 – Clock Town

Realized as I left clock tower, have no idea what stupid festival is about. Decided to scrounge around and try to find out.

Day 1 – 6:02

Cookiefest……

Day 1 – 6:05

Sadly, was informed that Cookiefest starts on fourth day. Spent about twenty 3-day cycles trying to make it to Cookiefest before Fairy reminded me that fourth day doesn't exist. Would have figured that out after dying horribly a few more times.

Day 1 – 8:30

Found beach. Disappointed by lack of wild college girls willing to bare it all. Even more disappointed by lack of cookie tables that magically appear on beaches covered in college girls willing to bare it all.

Still not sure what that all means, but suspect puberty will take care of that for me.

If ever get out of time loop and make it to puberty, that is.

Did find almost-dead Fish-Freak floating in water. Pulled him to shore and poured last red Kool-aid into his mouth.

Day 1 – 8:56

Still not moving.

Day 1 – 9:12

Poked him (gently) with sword tip.

Day 1 – 10: 37

Hello?

Day 1 – 11:26

The red Kool-aid has failed me. But the red Kool-aid always works!

It always works…

Day 1 – 1:01

Oww…..!!!!!!

Blinding pain in skull. Suspect stupid Fairy threw something hard at my head. Have new mask in bag and can't figure out where it came from or why there is fresh-looking grave at my feet.

Weird feeling in stomach says it's best to not dwell on it.

Day 1 – 4:47

Been playing pansy-dance through foggy water for a while now. Very waterlogged. Or, would be if Fish-Freak skin wasn't so waterlog-resistant. Eyes burning and filmy. Suspect pool boy put too much chlorine in bay.

Fond nest of Fish-Freaks and ran around causing mayhem, though not much to find. Mostly got yelled at by burly Fish-Freak. Something about eggs. Didn't really get it, but then, I never do.

Night 1 – 8:29

Found nest of hot desert women. Apparently now cold ocean pirates. Decided not to question it. Discovered that this is good way to avoid getting suckered into helping people.

Night 1 – 9:58

Crying tears of chocolate-y goodness! Found cheat guide in first chest in fort. Plan to sleep with it tucked in my underwear.

…Oh, right. No sleep.

Well, it's already in there. Not taking it out now.

Night 1 – 2:48

Found Fish-Freak eggs pirates stole and gave to aquarium guy who also looks very familiar…

No, we're not going there. Stop it! Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts!

Stupid, lazy game designers recycling old characters. Giving me bad flashbacks.

Aquarium guy eying eggs a little oddly. Like he's hungry or something.

Oh, well, not my problem. Now give me whatever I did this for so I can finish stupid quest.

What? There's more??? NO!! I don't wanna go find any more!!!!!!!

Night 1 – 5:21

Stupid game, I mean, quest. Stupid quest. Stupid stupid stupid stupid.

Thank cookie fairies for newly-discovered cheat book. Found stupid seahorse. Hating game designers again. Had to follow stupid seahorse back and forth and round and round and round and round to get to rock that I COULD SEE FROM ACROSS THE BAY.

I can see it. Straight shot. But no, foggy water eats me if I try to swim to it.

Jerks.

Day 2 – 7:30

Weird little tadpole-freaks taught me new song. Seems like gigantic waste of time, but meh. Not like I'm on strict time limit or anything.

Day 2 – 7:58

Found eggs' mommy and played song for her. Not sure why, but cheat book says to.

Holy biscuit eaters!!!! GIANT TURTLE!!!!

Deep rumblings knocked me into water with turtle. Turtle laughed. Stupid turtle.

Turtle here to take me to temple. Something v. important he has to do first, apparently.

……….

Did ocean just get warmer?

……….

……….

EEeeeeeeWWWWWwwwWWww!

Day 2 – 8:02

Oh, joy. Water Temple. Everyone's favorite.

Day 2 – 10:49

Why is Water Temple always just gigantic toilet???

Can't tell me middle room isn't just swirly stopped-up toilet. Will have nightmares about what I saw floating in water.

If ever sleep again, that is.

Day 2 – 12:26

Curse you, complicated dungeon of evil! Hate piranha skeletons so much! Have huge appetite for something with no stomach.

Don't bite that! That's a tender area!!!!

Day 2 – 2:18

Stupid bubble frog killed me! Well, to be more specific, lack of anything even resembling a candy heart in frog room killed me.

No, don't need magic, arrows, or subscription to People magazine! Hearts, morons! HEARTS!

Day 2 – 4:39

Died again. Stupid frog.

Day 2 – 5:27

Finally killed frog. Got ice arrows…and promptly died.

Night 2 – 6:20

What's with extra mini Boss?????????????? Was first one not bad enough??????

No cookie fairies, no candy hearts, no more red Kool-aid. Time to initialize Plan B: Utter piercing war cry (that sounds a lot like small baby shrieking) and swing wildly at everything until something dies.

Night 2 – 6:21

Something was me…about ten seconds after eyeball died. Got Boss Key, though. Now just need Boss.

Night 2 – 12:02

Stop falling off pipe into water infested with piranha skeletons! Stop it right now!

Curse you, Mrs. Butterworth!

Night 2 – 12:20

Piranhas killed me.

Wait, put that controller down. Put it down! Not, don't throw it through the TV!!

[STATIC]


	7. Anju and Kafei

animedeprived: Well, here we are again. Sorry about the wait, but like I said before, between college and work, life's pretty hectic. Here's a chapter devoted entirely to the mushy and overly complicated quest to help Anju and Kafei. I hate this thing.

Link: animedeprived does not own iPods, Chuck-E-Cheese, or the whimsical land of Narnia, though she would like to visit sometime.

**The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Majora's Mask**

Chapter Seven

**More Sidequestiness: Anju and Kafei**

Day 1 – 6:00 – Clock Town

Beat Water Temple. Don't ask how. Let's just say managed to wrangle large number of Powder Kegs and did…something. Fish-Freaks rather P., but they'll forget all about it when I reset time again.

Which I already did. ^_^

Day 1 – 6:30

What to do now, what to do? Haven't been east. Assume that's where next dungeon is. Have too much pent up anger and too many Powder Kegs left to attempt dungeon. Fairy said blowing up dungeon doesn't count as beating it. Only got away with last one because Fairy tired of piranhas nibbling on her wings.

Day 1 – 7:58

Checked cheat book for ideas. Found side quest about Kafei the horrible hide-and-seek player. Forgot all about that. Looks like it'll eat up lots of time. Hooray! Time wasting!

Day 1 – 2:43

Set up cookieless midnight meeting with Anju the Cuckoo innkeeper lady. Plan to be covert and sneak into kitchen to make cookies ahead of time. Will not suffer through sappy story twice without sugary deliciousness.

Night 1 – 11:20

Stupid inn kitchen and its oven that sucked me into Narnia for almost nine hours. Was there for 29 Narnia years. Forced to go on even more obnoxious quest to save land. Getting crowned King at end was pretty sweet, though. Best to hope for here is getting crowned Mayor, and that's just lame.

Day 2 – 7:39

Made mistake of asking Anju about Kafei after meeting. Just got her to shut up five minutes ago. Used delivering letter as excuse. Have never before looked forward to following slug-paced Postman around. Decided it would be opportune time to jam to new iPod found in rift between worlds.

Anju insists Kafei is eighteen. Yeah, and I'm Bigfoot.

Day 2 – 3:06

Snuck into Kafei's house while Postman distracted him with letter from Anju. Barely made it in before he ran back inside. Reminded that prancing thief that I am NOT allowed to explode stole wedding mask and that made Kafei tiny…somehow. Details on that not fully explained. Suspect that mask sucked all manliness out of him in preparation for marriage. Poor sap.

Got pretty necklace. Yay! Will wear it forever!

Night 2 – 6:15

Gave stupid necklace to stupid Anju. Didn't want it anyway. Nothing to do now until tomorrow night…except party!

Night 2 – 6:18

Forgot stupid Clock Town is family-friendly environment. Plan to spend next 15 or so hours ambushing small children in ball pit at Chuck-E-Cheese.

Day 3 – 1:42

Cheat book said go back to Kafei's house. Found weird guy from shop next door in there. Guy said that Kafei said to give me fox mask and told me to go to canyon I haven't been to yet.

Night 3 – 6:05 – Ikana Canyon

Trudged through barren wasteland and found Kafei hiding behind a rock. Swear that kid is world's worst hide-and-seek player. Almost as bad as Dynamite kids in town. At least those little buggers can run fast. Spent most of last hour instructing Kafei on hiding strategies. Know he'll forget everything in about twelve hours, but felt it necessary to at least make the effort.

Night 3 – 7:00

After long and unnecessarily complicated process, got back wedding mask. Kafei ran back to town. Stayed to raid prancing thief's candy hoard. Found pretty good stash. Plan to rebury it on Termina Field so can find it later.

Night 3 – 5:15 – Clock Town

Watched overly mushy reunion and marriage of Anju and Kafei. Traded masks and made new silvery one. Gave it to me. Whoopee. Just what I always wanted. Sucks that they'll be flatter than Deku's singing in 45 minutes. Well, unless I go back to three days ago when they're not married anymore. Bit of a lose-lose situation here.

See why I hate this quest? Every time I do something, turn my back and it's undone. Hate this place.

Now sufficiently bored with no dungeon quests. Back to Canyon of Death I go.


	8. Stone Tower

animedeprived: Hello, happy people! Sorry again about the super long hiatus. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just can't get this thing done! I brought my N64 down to school with me, though, so no more excuses! I'm gonna finish this thing before my birthday (mostly because I plan on drinking a lot afterward. But then again, that might make for a more interesting story…). So anyway, here we go again! Only one more chapter after this!

Link: animedeprived does not own Ghostbusters, Batman, various horror monsters, Splenda, or anything else she already doesn't own.

**The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Majora's Mask**

Chapter Eight

**Stone Tower**

Day 1 – 6:00 – Clock Town

Okay, canyon, here I come. Hoping that super creepiness was just because of dark. Looking forward to nice, calm, picturesque environment.

Day 1 – 11:48 – Ikana Canyon

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flaming skulls!

Ocotpi!!!

Exploding rats!!!!!

Sweet, merciful taffy! A house! Sanctuary! Shelter!

…

ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!!

Day 1 – 12:02

Ran into cave to escape scary zombies.

Oooo…noxious purple fog. Let's go check it out.

GHOST!

…

MUSICAL GHOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 1 – 12:24

Unsuccessful at calling Ghostbusters. Whole canyon one giant dead zone.

…

Did you get it?

Anyway, apparently musical ghost just wanted shower. Nasty, musty, dead smell does have way of lingering. Still stuck in my clothes from well in last game.

Suppose washing them would help with that.

Meh. On to adventure!

Day 1 – 2:59

Wow. Nice house. Good interior design, fantastic color scheme. Oh, I love this antique cabinet! Wonder if there's anything loot-able in it.

Wait.

Is it shaking?

And what is that weird groaning?

Day 1 – 3:02

MUUUUUMMMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!

Day 1 – 3:05

Strange man-mummy looks to be writhing in agony. I would be to if forced to listen to crappy carnival music nonstop in tiny cupboard. Played Song of Healing to put it out of misery.

Day 1 – 3:45

Oh, look. It's a dude.

Eck. Sappy reunion. Time to scatter.

Note to self: keep eyes peeled for Dracula, Frankenstein, and Wolfman. Like B-grade horror flick in here.

Day 1 – 5:10 – Beneath the Well

Great. Another well.

Pneumonia inevitable at this point. Must stock up on red Kool-aid when next in town.

Day 1 – 5:37

Hallelujah! Hand sanitizer!

Day 1 – 6:52

Got super special shiny shield for making it through well. Yay! Goes so well with super special shiny sword that had forged from bottle of nasty tasting gold glitter dust.

Night 1 – 7:39

Oh, look! A hole in a wall!

Night 1 – 8:16 – Ikana Castle

Hole in wall full of zombies, skeletons, mummies, and, personal favorite, King of Dead Place. Who tried to kill me..

Killed him first.

Loser.

Night 1 – 12:17

Waiting for stupid now-dead but not shutting up King of Dead Place to shut up. Don't need to hear all-new royal family gossip about who's making cakes for who. Just point toward big bad boss and pull string. Will insta-kill him faster than killed you.

Day 2 – 9:26 – Stone Tower

Finally. In dungeon. Had to go through two (count 'em. TWO) mini-dungeons to get here. Hero's Contract specifically says ONE max, and only sometimes. Planning to sue.

Just remembered no courts here. Will have to wait. Until then, time to kill some dead things.

Day 2 – 4:02

Ah. Undead enemies, fatal falls, and out-of-body experiences. This dungeon has it all.

Except, of course, ice cream sundae bar. Could use some sugar about now. Throat becoming caked with mummy dust and other disgusting things. Like Splenda.

Night 2 – 11:11

Oooooo! Make a wish!

Night 2 – 11:48

Oooo, heavy new mask to lug around. That's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

!!!!!

Cheat guides says it's Giant Mask. Can turn into super huge Link!

This will do wonders for my enslavement of the Goron race!

Oh, and could just get big and throw moon back to where it belongs. Or whatever.

Night 2 – 11:53

Stupid mask only works in Boss chamber in this place. Jerks.

Oh, also found shiny arrows.

Night 2 – 1:15

Finally found Boss. Look, it's twin wormy-things that I've been killing over and over for I-don't-know-how-many games. Hello, mask of bigness.

…

Good-bye green icing.

Well, now what?

Night 2 – 1:39

Oh, yeah. Ultra-steroidized milk from ranch makes green icing purple, which lasts forever! (Mostly because it tastes like someone poured milk in lead-coated trough for two months, strained through dirty gym socks, and rebottled with pennies in bottom for extra-metally taste).

Night 2 – 2:45

Killed worms, ate chocolate, got mask. Nothing new.

Hey! Got last mask! Time to go get Thief Freak.

By which I mean, time to screw around for six or seven cycles, get bored, then go to last fight as last resort for entertainment.


	9. Final Battle

animedeprived: Well, here it is. The last chapter. It only took me three or four years to get here. God, that is so embarrassing. If it makes you feel better, I don't have time to read anything good anymore, either, much less spend my time playing video games that I don't like.  MM is probably my least favorite Zelda. I only picked it because it was next in the series, I actually owned it (my Zelda collection has increased tremendously since then), and I'd played it more than once. I think it turned out pretty good, though, don't you?

Well, anyway. I don't know if I'm doing another or what game I'll do. I need to replay Twilight Princess, so maybe…But, don't get your hopes up. If I do write a Sugarhigh for it, I'll probably do it all and then post it, so something like this doesn't happen again.

Link: animedeprived doesn't own anything. Not even her soul.

**The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Majora's Mask**

Chapter Nine

**The Final Battle**

Day 1 – 6:00 – Clock Town

And so it begins.

Day 1 – 6:12

…and I'm bored.

Day 1 – 4:29

Went back and rekilled Temple bosses. Yay for magical shortcuts. Wish all Temples had them. Also wish they appeared before whole Temple is defeated and am already in Boss Room.

Yeah, yeah. Finding new items and learning to use them and growth and all that crap. It's all well and good on first time through, but gets really old, really fast. Like Deku Tree in first stupid quest. Idiot fairy trying to tell me how to open doors and climb vines. Really?

Day 1 – 5:04

*Thumbs twiddling*

Day 2 – 2:36

*Twiddle, twiddle, twiddle*

Night 3 – 6:00

Forgot about super time speeding song. In retrospect, not sure if actually moves time forward, or if so long that it takes twelve hours to play whole darn thing.

Night 3 – 12:00

Okay, now what?

Oh, that's right. Song playing. Because in real life, playing the right song at just the right moment will solve all of everyone's problems, everywhere.

Right…

Night 3 – 12:01

Hello, big woody-looking guys!

Hey, they're holding up scary-looking moon. Great! My work is done! Game set and match.

Checkmate.

Connect Four.

Uno.

Yahtzee!

…

Aw, crap.

Stupid Thief Freak's mask of eviltude!

Night 3 - ??

What are you kids doing up here? Don't you know it's dangerous?

Not fair! Why can they wear Boss masks and I can't?

Oh, yeah. The creepy evilness.

…a game, you say? Why, yes, I'd love a free game. It's about time someone asked!

Night 3

Not sure I like these games. Sure, say they're free, then STEAL ALL MY MASKS! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW SUCKY IT WAS TO GET ALL OF THOSE?????

Getting lots of dark chocolate out of it, though. Not sure if trade totally worth it, but meh. Better than nothing, which is what I usually get.

Night 3

….

Oh, the shining glory.

Fierce Deity's mask.

Could be as evil as Majora.

But let's try it on, anyway.

Night 3

BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

(Once again, imagine lightning and evil music)

Slash slash kill kill die die die die DIE!!!!

Day 4 – 6:00

Woke up with maskless Thief Freak lying at feet. Sure he's just sleeping.

Fierce Deity's mask also lying at feet. Picked up, but something told me to resist urge to put on again.

That something is probably moral conscience.

Or stupid Fairy. Both sound an awful lot alike.

Wait…

Does that say Day 4???????????????

OMG, COOKIEFEST!!!!

I made it!

I MADE IT!!!

(End credits)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*sob* so close…


End file.
